EASY WAYS TO AVOID FALLING IN LOVE(PART1)

This blog prides itself in managing people mostly in the workplace, however, i am doing something on the other side this week. My very good friend, Michael Oladiran is my guest writer this week, he write on LOVE. Enjoy.
13 EASY WAYS TO AVOID FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE YOU MAY NOT MARRY
Find yourself falling uncontrollably in love with the wrong person? When you start to like someone, you don’t actually fall in love with them instantly.
The feeling you experience is infatuation.



Oladiran Michael: Guest Writer of the week
And infatuation, as much as it feels like an inescapable wall that blocks your view from everything else including the bad habits, will eventually fade.
Most of us who have a crush on someone end up falling more in love with each passing day, not because we’re so helplessly drawn towards that person, but because we voluntarily choose to let that person sink their hooks deeper into our heart.
Falling in love and its confusions
Sometimes, it’s easy to be confused. A friend or a coworker could be charming and sweet, and before you know it, you may be having an emotional affair with them, or worse, falling head over heels in love with them even though every molecule in your body could be screaming out that you’re going down the wrong path.
And then you try to stop yourself, but each time you try, it only hurts you more. And finally, you choose to give up fighting, and wallow in self pity and misery because you’re in love with someone who’s just so wrong for you, or someone who may never ever love you back the way you love them.
But the truth is, you’re still the one who’s in control of your own life and your own heart. You can choose to walk away from love instead of falling deep in it if you truly choose to.
STEP ONE: IS IT SUCH A BAD IDEA TO FALL IN LOVE/WHAT'S YOUR STAND?
So you’ve made up your mind that falling in love with a particular person, be it a friend or a colleague, is a bad idea.
But what’s your real motive behind walking away. If you want to get over someone and have their hooks loosened from your heart, you need to be very clear about why you choose to let go.
Weigh the pros and the cons. Do you think a long term relationship is impossible? Is there something about this person that just isn’t acceptable by you? Are they dating someone else, or perhaps, already married with kids?
If you want to avoid falling in love with someone, or want to stop loving someone, you need to be very clear about the reasons behind why you’re doing it.
STEP TWO: ACCEPTING YOUR REASON
You can stop loving someone or avoid falling in love with someone only when you truly accept your reasoning behind why you can’t ever see a future with this particular person. You have to remember that there are no two ways here, and there should be no space for doubt.
If you want to stop falling in love with someone, you can’t ever do it unless you make up your mind that it is what you want.
You can choose to control your emotions to a certain extent, at least until your mind realizes just what a bad idea falling in love with this person could turn out to be. But you can’t do any of that unless you accept and believe the idea that you don’t want to stay in love with this person.
STEP THREE: DIGGING YOUR OWN DITCH AND SERVING IT ON EMOTIONAL PLATES
You’ve decided to move on, haven’t you? So why do you spend half your day dreaming about this person or wondering what they may be doing right this moment? Remember, the more you think of someone, the more they start to feel like a bigger and inescapable part of your life. Each time this person flits through your thoughts, push them away. Shake your head, distract yourself and think about something else or someone else. It may seem hard for a few days or a week or so. But very soon, you’d find it really easy to just block this person out of your head!
13 TIPS TO STOP YOURSELF FROM FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE
If you’re having a hard time stopping yourself from falling more madly in love with this person, here are 13 tips you can use to prevent yourself from falling further in love with them. And within a couple of weeks of following these tips, you’d be strong enough to pull your thoughts together and walk away from them for good.
ONE--DISTRACT YOURSELF.
Don’t let this person control your mind. As difficult as it may seem to stop thinking of this person, it’s definitely doable. Keep yourself distracted with new activities that need your attention. And each time you feel lonely or idle, think about something else that makes you happy. Playing games or Reading can also work for you.
TWO--DON'T BE A STALKER.
As satisfying as it feels to stay updated on this person’s private life, avoid opening their facebook page every one hour to see if they’ve been up to something. The more you obsess over this person, the bigger the part they’ll play in your life. Try to limit the number of times you stalk them on social media every day, so that eventually you can start to completely ignore them.

AVOID THIS MISTAKES IN YOUR HR CAREER

A came across this interesting piece from my good friend Alan Collins (of Success in HR), and thought you will benefit by reading. Enjoy

How To Endanger Your HR Career By Making Rip Van Winkle Mistakes…

 
by Alan Collins
You may remember the story of Rip Van Winkle.
He was was the fictional character in the famous short story who went to sleep before the American War of Independence.
Weary one night, as the tale goes, Rip put his head down for just a moment.
And he stayed asleep for 20 years.
When he woke up, he missed the war, the death of his wife, the marriage of his daughter and the birth of his grandson.
He had no clue where all the time went.
This can happen to you too as an HR professional.
You can lay your head down for a moment, only to look up years later to find out everything has changed around you.  And you’ll wonder where the heck the time went.
And that’s exactly what happened to a coaching client of mine.
She was perfectly happy in her HR job and, like Rip Van Winkle, woke up and came in office one day to discover that…

Her worst fears had been realized! 

Her company that day abruptly announced that they would be removing 3,000 jobs over the next year.
Because of rapid changes in microchip technology, they were now producing outdated products and had to cut costs.  However, just two years ago, this company was category leader in chips.  Now they were going to have to fight for survival.
My client was stunned.
She was single, in her late-thirties, bright with a graduate degree in HR. She had invested fourteen years of her young professional life in that company as a senior compensation analyst. One job. Exact same company. In other words, she had one year’s experience fourteen times, which is much too long if you want a career, as opposed to a job.
Anyway…
She had been with them since their beginning as a tiny start up and through their IPO.
But she had become pigeon-holed as a compensation specialist, at the top of her pay grade with no opportunities for advancement.  No one in her company could envision her in any other role so transferring to another HR job was out of the question.  All of this made her a prime target to be whacked from the organization…and she knew it.
She admittedly was caught flat-footed with the company announcements. And because she worked so hard at her day job, she hadn’t developed industry contacts outside of her organization.  Because of this, it was almost impossible for her to get an interview anywhere.
“What should I do?” she asked me over coffee, not expecting me to help her find a job, but perhaps provide some advice.
As it turned out, I knew of a job. But it wasn’t a good one.
One of my former colleagues, now an HR executive in a smaller division of PepsiCo, had a need for a compensation analyst for a massive six-month project. Their tiny staff was tremendously overworked and they needed help from a compensation pro. So I called her with the news.
“There is a short-term assignment I just heard about,” I said.
“They could use you.  The team is based 200 miles away, so you’ll need to get an apartment close by.  But I’m not going to lie to you. People are working twelve hours a day and all stressed out with a huge deadline to hit. The pay is decent. But there’s absolutely no guarantee that it will lead to anything long term.”
“Okay. If those are the good points, are there any downsides to this job?” she said.  At least she hadn’t lost her sense of humor!
I was honest with her: “I know this isn’t an ideal situation and it’s a huge risk.”
“But the big advantage to this job is it gets your foot in the door.  It keeps a paycheck coming in.  And allows you to still explore the job market. It will also eliminate a potential gap in your resume should you get laid off and fail to find a job.”
“Another thing, even though there are no promises, if you wow them, there’s a tiny chance they could offer you a full-time position.  And my advice is: if they do, take it.   Stay there twenty-four months.  Then you can put a great company name like PepsiCo on your resume and sell having comp experience in a world class company.  With that, you can go anywhere in your career.”
And that’s exactly what she did.
It was tough, but she was able to negotiate a severance package with her old company.  Then she left before all the job cuts and bloodletting there happened and never looked back.  The six-month assignment DID turn into a full-time gig and she vowed never again will fall asleep at the switch again.
Clearly, every situation doesn’t wind up like this one.
Everyone makes career mistakes. Our careers in HR can last thirty, forty, fifty or more years if we’re fortunate. That’s a long time. And you’re bound to make some mistakes along the way.
However, it’s important to avoid making Rip Van Winkle mistakes if you can.  And these occur when you:

1. Stay too long at one company.
2. Stay too long in one HR job.
3. Fail to keep your HR skills and competencies up to date.
4. Fail to build, grow and cultivate your network of contacts.

Don’t fall asleep on these things.
Regularly monitor and candidly assess these four facets of your career at a minimum every six months. Then make changes before they’re needed.
Otherwise, you may arise from bed one morning and find out that YOUR world has completely changed.
Onward!

CARNEGIE: 8 WAYS TO LEAD A HAPPY, WORRY-FREE LIFE

He believed it wasn’t technical knowledge that made people succeed in business. But rather, their people skills.
Dale Carnegie, author of the classic best-seller “How to Win Friends and Influence People” was a genius at people relations.
Even though his book was first published in 1936, Carnegie’s recommendations on self-leadership are just as relevant today, if not more so.

1. “It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”

It took me over 50 years to learn this and I still sometimes don't get it. Many of us look to a partner, spouse or best friend for happiness. Others believe money, romance or materialistic things will bring eternal joy. We are looking for happiness in all the wrong places. Happiness stems from our outlook on life. It doesn't come from external conditions - rather, what we say to ourselves the second we wake up, the moment before we go to bed, and everything in-between.
To be happy, think happy.

2. “One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.”

Too many of us are trying to be important. In business - we use buzz phrases (that serve to confuse rather than communicate), exaggerate our accomplishments, and tell others how great we are. For a lot of people, it's a never ending quest to get attention. It's exhausting, often insincere and usually futile. Far greater satisfaction comes when we impress ourselves instead - accomplishing something we thought was previously difficult or impossible. Let us give up impressing others and just make sure we’re pleased with ourselves, regardless of what others think.
Be like a bird or horse.

3. “When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”

Arguments could be avoided, company sales could go through the roof, and a lot more people could like us - if only we remembered this fact. People look at things based upon their background, culture, experiences and their position in life. This filter is feeling-based. In business and in life, let’s put less emphasis on "being right" and more emphasis on empathy. We'll get a lot farther.
Replace the need to be right with empathy for others.

4. “People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.”

I had lunch recently with a friend who is an accountant. He enjoys his work, but he loves travelling a lot more. So much so that he works part-time at a travel agency, not as an accountant, but as a travel co-ordinator. I have urged him to switch gears and enter the travel business full time. That, after all, is where he's having the most fun. We've all heard stories of people dramatically changing careers - engineers becoming belly dancers and executives turning into stand-up comics.
We live but one life. Make it fun.

5. “Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.”

Worrying and being frustrated is far more difficult than working hard. In my own life, I’ve noticed that I can work 10 hours straight and feel okay, but if I’m troubled by something, I won’t be able to sleep, I get headaches and I feel drained. Sound familiar?
Today, take action to address those things in your life that are worrying you. Even one tiny step will make all the difference.

6. “Take a chance! All life is a chance. The person who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare.”

Have you been thinking of changing careers, starting a business or launching a new project? I dare you! You should also dare yourself. So many of us enter our older years with regret. “I should have done this or I should have done that.”
Replace future regret with daring moves today.

7. “Even God doesn't propose to judge a man till his last days, why should you and I?”

There’s a reason you love seeing your dog at the end of a hard day’s work. Your dog will not judge you. People will. The less secure among us, knowing this, will choose not to try anything new. It’s one of the quiet tragedies in our society.
We become happier when we are not in judgement of others. They do too.

8. “Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation, for your character is what you are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

We know ourselves. We know when we’re lying to ourselves or when we go against what we believe. Others may not know it. But we do, in our hearts. We’ll be happier when we can go to bed at night in the knowledge that we did our best and stayed true to ourselves.
Be yourself.
There is a line in Carnegie’s book that says “Learn to love, respect and enjoy other people.”
Enjoying other people is not something we think about in our hurried lives. So this week, when you meet people, enjoy them. It'll make for a better week.

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Carnegie didn't just know about human relations. He also knew about marketing. The spelling of his original name was "Carnagey" but he changed it to "Carnegie" to make people think he was related to Andrew Carnegie, who was a famous billionaire at the time.
"How to Win Friends and Influence People," while not Carnegie's only book, remains his most popular, still being read by business people the world over. The famous "Dale Carnegie Course" which Carnegie began to develop in 1912, teaches self-confidence, leadership and people skills - and is one of today’s most respected business courses. Among its students: Warren Buffet and Johnny Cash.